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Showing posts from 2013

Better Than A Pink Flamingo

It has become a custom for me to answer the question, "How are you doing" with "Better than a starving Ethiopian".  But, it's time for change!  I awoke around 3am the other morning and turned on the television in my new place in the upscale ghetto, or the low end of the high-life... Which one it is, I haven't quite figured out, but I have yet to hear any gun shots.

When I looked at the screen, all I could see were birds, including a flock of pink flamingos.  Pink flamingos apparently can't fly very well.  Maybe that's because they spend a lot of time breeding, because there sure are a lot of them compared to eagles, vultures and the infamous Big Bully.  Just what kind of bird the Big Bully really is, I'm not sure.  A web search revealed only Big Bird from Sesame Street, and a search for pink flamingos yielded a Wikipedia page for a movie called the Pink Flamingos.  The movie is considered a "transgressive black comedy exploitation", wh…

Deen On Brown

The community kitchen run by Our Daily Bread serves hundreds of meals each day at the First Baptist Church in Athens, GA.  A rough guesstimate of the audience, is about 75% black to white.  You don't see any Asians, Indians, or Latinos.  Maybe there's an occasional Latino visitor, but rarely... if ever.  Yesterday wasn't any different.  The same crowd shuffles in only this time there were sacks of food to be taken away.

As things in my own life have gotten better, they still haven't gotten to the point where I'm satisfied.  Though, I am very happy with my current living situation once I pay the rent there isn't a whole lot leftover and I tend to run out of money before the next pay day.  So, I will still visit Our Daily Bread as a supplemental food source.

I didn't examine the contents of the sack except for to remove any canned fruit and other sugary items for which I do not care.  However, it wasn't until the next morning I realized what had come in t…

Locke & Key

In the last nine months, or so, I have had more lock and key experiences than I care to imagine, or remember.  Now, I have walked this planet for enough years to have been able to say with some pride I had never lost my keys, or my wallet.  The wallet is mostly explainable because I don't carry one.  So, how can you lose what you don't have?

The keys on the other hand are something I have always carried on my person, yet I still had never lost them until just this year.  It all began one night when I was closing up at the bar, and after my recent promotion at work as an Undercover Parking Violations Officer.  I'm so undercover, they don't even know I got a promotion at work, but I did gain access to a multitude of keys.  This certainly exacerbated the problem.

In order to do my job, I am constantly grabbing different keys for different reasons.  There's one key for the office door.  Another key to get into the closet inside the office, and yet another key for the …

Couch Potato Gigolos

Couch Potato Gigolos
Just what is a couch potato gigolo?It’s simple.It’s a guy who is hired to come sit on a woman’s couch and watch TV, play cards, or play board games. YAHTZEE!It’s a companion fee that these guys get paid.Just want someone to hang out with?Then you need a couch potato gigolo!
The issue came up during a discussion with a friend who is also a history buff.He told me a joke about a kid named Johnny who was having a test the next day.His father told him a way to remember stuff was to make a rhyme like, “In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.”That clicked with the boy.He went to school the next day confident about taking his test.
The following day, the results were in.The boy came home from school dejected.His father asked what the matter was.The boy said, “I missed the question about Columbus”. Dad asked, “How did you do that?I thought we worked on a rhyme together”.
The boy said, “Yeah, but I couldn’t remember it and all I could think of was, ‘In 1493 Columbus crosse…

Classic BS

Athens Banner Herald & Online Athens Blotter Report:

 Blotter: Homeless Man Reports Downtown Athens Robbery

A 67-year-old homeless man said he awoke about 12:20 a.m. Sunday on a downtown Athens bench to find a man going through his pockets in an attempt to steal his wallet, according to Athens-Clarke police.

A 60-year-old man lying on a nearby bench told police he witnessed the robbery attempt and was able to verify the suspect’s identity, police said. The 50-year-old suspect could not be located, but charges are expected.

...

Someone once said, "Welcome to Athens, Ga where we have a bum on every corner".  I thought about that for a moment and realized it was an exaggeration, but if there's not one on this corner, then there will probably be one on the next.  Even though that too is an exaggeration, let's just say you won't ever visit Athens, Ga and not see someone begging for money somewhere unless something changes and these people aren't going to chang…

Phone Home

Phone HomeAfter discovering that full episodes of Get Smart are on You Tube, I came up with this idea.  A locally, handcrafted wooden phone home.  This is the reason I made these things... so I don't have to sit there and hold the darned thing for twenty-five minutes while watching Barbara Feldon in her hey day with Don Adams as Agent 86, Maxwell Smart.  Of course, we never learn what Agent 99's name is.  A girl never gives away all her secrets, you know.*Made in the USA, Athens, GA*Compatible with iPhone, Droid, iPad, Kindle Fire & HDMI Friendly*Lightweight, yet Sturdy*Portable or Stationary Home Decor*For Entertainment Purposes OnlyBut for $15 plus shipping, your smart phone can have a new home. Make life just a little bit easier! Contact me (the inventor) for more info at newmangabe@gmail.com. Get Smart... Get a Phone Home!...  LIKE us on Facebook too!!https://www.facebook.com/thephonehome

Am I Dreaming?

Am I Dreaming? I dreamt I went to join the Army the other night, only they wanted me to fill out an application using a typewriter. So, I quit.
I had another dream where this guy I know shows up and gives me his debit card telling me to go have a few drinks and play some pool on him. So, I did.
In another dream, this girl I know who is exceptionally beautiful shows up wanting to sing me a song, only her voice is terrible. So, I woke up.
Someone asked me the other day what my best time of day is. I said it was when I was asleep and dreaming, can't you see why? It's like comedy hour every night!
The best part about my dream state is when I'm totally sober. The dreams are much more intense and much more memorable. I don't know why that is, but it is. I try to sleep as much as possible just because my dreams beat the hell out of what's on television.
I can't sleep all the time, and I get bored, so I end up watching some television. One new show I've bee…

Am I Racist?

Daniel Tosh of Tosh.0 posted a copy of a note for some guy named "Dave", his mother had written to him when they had left home for the weekend and let Steve work around the yard.  The note read, “Dave, Dad and I are canoeing.  Steve is here working so if you see a black man with a machete... it’s ok! -Mom”

I saw a black man walking down the street with a pint glass full of beer the other day. I guess that means I'm a racist. That was only after he had earlier asked me for a cigarette three different times. Then he comes walking up to me and asks me if I want a beer. I asked, "You have beer?" He said, "No, but I'll go buy us some." I said, "That's ok man. You don't have to do that, but thanks." A few minutes later he showed up just walking down the middle of town with his pint glass full of beer. I swear, I'm sorry for being prejudice.  I really didn't think he'd come through with the beer, or I would have…

Wrong About Irene

Well, as Irene continues its way up the eastern seaboard, Georgia has been spared from any devastation although it was very humid today; that’s not devastating.  That’s par for the course in Georgia.  At least, that has been par for the course most of the time I have lived in this beautiful state.  Yet, the previous ten years have been moderate in terms of the humidity factor.  So, this recent humidic return in the last couple of years has restored and reminded us of the fact that this beautiful state, as lush and green as it is, is right next door to Florida, the arm pit of the South.  And Irene brought a piece of Florida with her and left in Georgia.  A soggy statement that can only stimulate thanksgiving.
My first year of college, I was seeing this girl who had to write a paper on the topic of “The Optimism of Pessimism”.  I suppose, I am writing the same paper write now, only I won’t receive a grade.
She said to me, ‘I received a topic for a paper today and I’m not qu…
The Beauty of the Internet In the last few days, I have received four marriage proposals from women on the Internet.  For some reason a website called Tagged is chock full of beauties who don't to have English as their native tongue, and they desperately want to be in a committed relationship, or marriage.  Usually, I ignore these things, but I was bored, so I decided to have some fun.  I couldn't resist.  I mean when a beauty like this shows up on your computer screen, telling you she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and she’s even willing to live in a tent, then you have to appreciate the humility of it all, and say come and get me!
As you may know, I am still homeless, but I am working now.  It’s just that during the last pay period, I owed the company .53 cents, only after the previous period when they owed me $3.  So, I netted out $2.47 last month.  Jocelyn, as she is called, knows this and is still willing to come to ..America.. all the way from N…