The Beauty of the Internet
In
the last few days, I have received four marriage proposals from women
on the Internet. For some reason a website called Tagged is chock full
of beauties who don't to have English as their native tongue, and they
desperately want to be in a committed relationship, or marriage.
Usually, I ignore these things, but I was bored, so I decided to have
some fun. I couldn't resist. I mean when a beauty like this shows up
on your computer screen, telling you she wants to spend the rest of her
life with you and she’s even willing to live in a tent, then you have to
appreciate the humility of it all, and say come and get me!
As
you may know, I am still homeless, but I am working now. It’s just
that during the last pay period, I owed the company .53 cents, only
after the previous period when they owed me $3. So, I netted out $2.47
last month. Jocelyn, as she is called, knows this and is still willing
to come to ..America.. all the way from Nigeria and start life anew.
She wants to have children and I told her that there’s not much room in
a tent for babies, but I’m game!
Now,
I am well aware of the Nigerian dating scam, but during our first chat
session she never asked for any money and said that her grandmother was
going to pay for her to renew her passport. So, the next day when she
popped up on the screen, I was ready to play! I’m certain that this is
some guy sitting in his underwear somewhere in Nigeria, but what the
heck, business is slow and it keeps me from getting sleepy… that and
this Wu-Yi Tea I’ve been drinking lately. The stuff is amazing, almost
euphoric after the third cup… but it’s different than a normal caffeine
feeling, which is always slight for me. This just makes you feel good,
not jittery.
Day
two went by and Jocelyn still had not asked for money. The way the
scam works is they end up asking you to send money for something like
the passport, and then a plane ticket and then whatever else they can
get you to do. No such thing had occurred in two sessions, so I decided
to change the game. This morning I told Jocelyn I had changed my mind,
and I wanted to come to Nigeria instead, but I needed her to wire me
some cash for a plane ticket, and taxis and such! I turned the tables,
right?
I
fully expected this would end our chat sessions, but to my surprise
when I logged into my email account this morning, she popped up after a
few minutes and what did I get, but a wink, one of those little graphic
smileys. So, I sent one back and said, “It’s been fun!”. But, Jocelyn
wasn’t going to leave it at that, she asked, “What about our chat?”
I
replied, “you seriously want to continue this”, and then went back into
the routine, but now is asking for money to pay for the passport
renewal, asking how much I could come up with. I reiterated the
previous statement about my income for the last month, and after
calculating that including the purchase of a one dollar cigar, I could
probably spare $1, but assured her that I thought she was worth much
more than that!
Then,
I was reminded, hey just two weeks ago some guy emailed me and told me I
had been named next of kin to a lady who had died in England, and I was
to inherit over $30 million dollars! Jocelyn asked me who it was. I
told her it was somebody just like her who had just randomly found me on
the Internet. Jocelyn really liked the sound of that, but didn’t show
too much emotion mainly because you can’t scam a scammer… or, some guy sitting in his underwear in Nigeria either?
The
irony in all of this, of course, is that I’ve inherited over $30
million dollars and picked up a trophy wife in the last thirty days and
I’m still sleeping outside! So, if you see this girl, tell her she can
find me in Atlanta and the tent is pitched! She can ride on the back of
the bike and we’ll have lots of children together and live happily ever
after! Just point her to the field next door where the grass is green
and well kept. It’s nice there, and nobody talks about dying! Peace.
She looked something like this:
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